How Do I End Up In These Situations?

I love animals. When I say I love animals, I mean I’m a cuddle up on the couch with a dog kind of girl. My mom on the other hand, is a find an abandoned baby bird and rescues it kind of girl. This is how our story begins.

Last night I was called outback where I found my mom holding a wild, baby bird. She told me she had found it on the grass and it had fallen out of a birdhouse. She then took it upon herself to make phone call after phone call trying to find a place to take the bird. It was after 6, so no one was answering. This is where I find myself involved.

Mom: I’ve looked up all the number, now all you need to do it call them in the morning and drive him down there.
Me: Wooh. Wooh. Wooh. Why am I doing this?
Mom: I have to work until 1 and dad has corporate in town…so there you go.
Me: This is horrible. I want you to know that I’m very unhappy right now.
Mom: Great. Here are the numbers.

So I woke up this morning, hoping the bird was at least alive, because I knew that if it wasn’t I would somehow be blamed. It was. Lucky me. So, I sat at my desk calling each of the six numbers provided, all going directly to voicemail. I should also mention that during this time my blind, deaf, 16 year old dog, in a cast fell off my bed with a loud THUMP…then looked at me like it was my fault. At this point I was feeling less than thrilled with my morning.


Two hours later I finally got through to place called “Wild Birds.” It was a number I found scrawled across a box in the garage. Apparently, my mom got the number last night. When I asked for their address they wouldn’t give it to me, only directions. SUSPCIOUS! I set out, in my little scarf and curly hair…

As I drove down the highway all I could think about was that movie "The Birds." I just kept imagining this baby bird somehow learning to fly and attacking me while I drove. I could just see the headlines tonight, "Woman Pecked To Death, By Bird She Was Trying to Save." Ugh. The horror.

When I found the place the first thought that went through my head was, “This is the kind of house you see on 9 News at 5.” I just knew I was going to be the headline on the news tonight. I walked up the muddy front, no lawn, just mud. Birds everywhere, in cages on the ground, in the trees. I knocked. They wouldn’t let me in the house and I had to stand on the front porch to fill out forms. SUSPICIOUS! I assume this is because saving wild birds is a front and I was really standing outside a meth house.

The girl informed me that they had been shut down in August, as they couldn’t afford to keep doing this. They depend on people’s donations, so if I wanted to donate today it would be great “so they could pay their electric bills.” SUSPICIOUS! As I filled out the forms I felt my heart rate increase. They wanted my address and I knew I couldn’t give them a fake because I was going to be writing a check that had the real address on it!

I then went to the car to get my checkbook and filled out the check for $40.00. That’s right! 40 big ones, because the form said that’s how much it would take to care for the bird. As I handed over the check I just knew that a SWAT team was going to pop out of the bushes. I just knew this was a sting. I just kept telling myself, if that happens, just scream, “ROBYN LEMASTERS MADE ME DO THIS! I’M JUST DROPPING OFF A BIRD!”

I gave her the check and got out of dodge. I now find myself worrying that some strange person will show up at our house tonight to rob us.

How do I end up in these situations? Oh, and yes, Robyn LeMasters we’ll be discussing reimbursement later…it may be more than 40 bucks due to pain and suffering.

Oh…Shelby the 16 year old, blind, deaf, casted dog almost fell down the stairs as I wrote this. Good times. Good times.