Slurring S's & Rolling R's

I know. I know. “Dayna! Finish your travel blogs. You still have three cities and two countries to tell us about.” I will, but this is fresh in my mind and I think all the travel writing was giving me nightmares.

A few blogs back, I wrote about the repressed memory of one Mr. Nick LeMasters. I was soon chastised by Cousin Jenny’s “unidentified man friend” for not revealing my own childhood horrors. Well, a recent text from Cousin Jenny brought some really troubling memories to the surface.

A few years ago, my mom and I were talking…

Me: I think I have a lisp.

Mom: Yeah. You do.

Me: WOW! Thanks. You’re supposed to say, “No, Dayna! Your voice is great.”

Mom: No, seriously, you do. In kindergarten they wanted to make you go through some speech classes because you quote, “roll your r’s and slur your s’s.”

Me: Are you kidding me? How are you just telling me this?

Mom: I didn’t enroll you because I felt slightly offended.

Me: Oh. My. Gosh. This is horrifying. So not only was I chubby, but I had a lisp.

Mom: I thought you were cute and sounded cute.

Me: This may be why I’m single, just so you know.

Mom: I don’t think it’s that. I think it’s because you’re anti-social.

Me: And I think we’re done here. 

This has always been a bit of a hot button issue. Like you never say, “Dayna, say Mississippi.” So when I received the following text from Cousin Jenny yesterday, I was less than thrilled…

Jenny: I can see you rocking out an old apron while baking and thinking it’s fashionable. Also, I think you should be at Comic Con in San Diego.

Me: You are so odd. The image you have of me in your mind is like a weird mix of June Cleaver, Jess from New Girl, Oprah, Kate Middleton, and Tina Fey. It’s bizarre.

Jenny: Give yourself some credit. I’d say at least Reese Witherspoon.

Me: What version of Reese Witherspoon are we talking? Are we talking Legally Blonde, Sweet Home Alabama, or Walk the Line Reese Witherspoon?

Jenny: Oh. Geez. I don’t know. Like the cute lisp version.

Me: Don’t text me anymore. We’re done.

Jenny: That was a COMPLIMENT!

And there you have it. The lost childhood memory of Dayna LeMasters, brought to light by Reese Witherspoon.

Note: Cousin Jenny may have ruined Pleasantville for me. Just sayin’