You Military, Nick LeMasters?

Tomorrow my dad, Nick LeMasters, turns the big 5-4. We’re headed up to the mountains for some pizza, ice cream, duck feeding, and relief from the heat. HOLLA!

I think it’s pretty clear that my dad is up there on my list of entertaining people. I’d also like to add that he has come to be important in the lives of many of you lovely readers. How do I know this? Well, from the lovely young-lady that went up to him in TJ Maxx to say hello. Why is this an interesting tidbit…she knows him from Facebook and my blog. I was SO excited to hear this. Like I literally clapped my hands and yelled, “I’m making you famous. This is so exciting!” He just shook his head, but we all secretly know he loved it.

Over the past 90 blogs (can you believe it), we’ve come to appreciate the man, the legend, the Republican, Nick LeMasters. It seems that the lady at the cleaners also has the measure on him.

People have often told me that when they see my dad, he always has on a white-starched-shirt. This is funny to me, because I usually think of him wearing ties. I was so accustomed to him wearing a tie that I was thrown for a loop a few months back…

Me: Didn’t you just get home?

Dad: Yes.

Me: Where’s your tie? Did you take it off on the way home?

Dad: No. I didn’t wear one today. I went with the open-collar look.

Me: What is going on here? What is happening? Are you going through something? Oh. My. Gosh. Are you having an affair? I can’t deal with that. You know everyone will call me and make me deal with the effects of this. Oh. My. Gosh. WHAT IS GOING ON?

Dad: You need to calm down. I just didn’t feel like wearing a tie today.

Me: You’ve been wearing a tie since before I was born. I feel really weird right now.

Dad: I’m just trying something new. People have said I come off an intimidating sometimes. I think the whole “no tie thing” might help.

Me: Wow. This is troubling.

Dad: You so don’t do well with change.

Me: Whatever. Put your freaking tie back on!

The ties may have left, but the starched-shirts have stayed. Which is where this lovely story comes in…

Dad: So I’m going to a new cleaners.

Me: Why?

Dad: They are half the price.

Me: Okay.

Dad: That’s not the point of the story. The lady that works there, this sweet little Asian woman, kind of freaked me out.

Me: Do tell.

Dad: Well, the conversation went like this (please read the following with my dad doing a little accent in your mind).

Nick LeMasters: Can you put a crease on the sleeves of the button-up shirts?

Cleaner: You military?

Nick LeMasters: No.

Cleaner: You aren’t military, but you like crease? That weird.

Picking shirts up…

Cleaner: You not military, but you like crease? You weird. You go to church around here?

Nick LeMasters: Yes.

Cleaner: Where you go to church around here?

Nick LeMasters: I’m Mormon. I go to church down the street.

Cleaner: You Mormon? Mormons conservative people.

Nick LeMasters: Yes, I’m Republican.

Cleaner: You read Grapes of Wrath?

Nick LeMasters: Um. Wow. Yes. I read it last year for the first time. Have you read Of Mice & Men?

Cleaner: Of Mice & Men softer. That softer book.

Nick LeMasters: Okay. Yeah. I have to be off.

Cleaner: You not military, but you like creases. You weird.

Nick LeMasters: Okay. See you!

Later:

Me: Oh. My. Gosh. So funny! She totally has the measure on you. Can we also discuss the fact that she thinks Of Mice & Men is a soft book? Does she not remember the puppy murder scene?

Dad: I know. It’s weird though, right, the fact that she knew me?

Me: If it was me, I’d stop going there immediately, but that’s because I’m anti-social. You like that stuff. You like the small talk.

Dad: You’re not being helpful.

Me: You got the creases and it was cheaper, right?

Dad: Yes.

Me: Then you weird/conservative/Steinbeck lover…you keep going.

Button-Ups Through the Ages:

 And of course this...Intimidating, really?