Oh! You Never Ask That...

Over the weekend we celebrated Nick’s 1st birthday. After the festivities, we went back to Ryan and Emily’s for a chat. While we sat around and gabbed, we munched on cinnamon bears. They were delicious…and now I’m on a cinnamon bear kick. This means that yesterday I went down to the store and bought a bag of those delicious bears. Every time I purchase a bag of gummies, I always end up thinking about this one Christmas…

It's no big secret that I was a chubby kid…I think we all remember Fat Jeans & Too High of Expectations. I mean, look at these pictures.

How’s that corn dog working out for you?

Really? You can’t put down the bag of Skittles for the picture. Sugar addict.

And this famous picture, I’m pretty sure my mom thought I would win a beauty contest.

Anyway. One Christmas when I was six or seven, my brother Ryan bought me a tin of gummy bears, like a huge tin, like the size of my face. I was so excited! I had never seen so many gummy bears…and they were all mine! I immediately ripped the tin open and started munching. There is literally a home video of me from that night and you can barely hear a word I’m saying because my mouth is full of bears.

So. As Christmas Eve was winding down, Ryan asked me for a gummy bear. Who does that? Why would he ask me for a bear? He gave me the tin. You don’t ask for a piece of candy that you give someone. Why would he do that? They were mine to do as I pleased with!

Oh. Um. Hmm. Did I mention that I had already eaten the whole tin? That’s right. I ate an entire tin of gummy bears in a period of one hour. So, I was defensive and said, “No. Those are mine! You can’t have any.”

But…I think we’ve determined that I can’t lie and people always know I’m hiding something…so my mom starred at me for a second and said, “You ate them all, didn’t you?” My little seven-year-old self was mortified. I think I started crying. I was so embarrassed. Oh. Um. Did I mention that my mom does not respond well when she’s surprised? She actually said, “WOW! I can’t believe you did that.” It was awful. Merry Freakin’ Christmas.

I guess the point of this story is:
1. NEVER ask for a piece of candy you have given me, it’s probably already gone.
2. NEVER say, “You ate them all, didn’t you?” It just makes the person feel worse.
3. NEVER say, “Who ate all the such and such?” I mean, come on, you know who ate it! Why do you have to ask…it’s a guilt trip, that’s why people ask.

Anyway. The cinnamon bears are all gone…Who ate them all? I don’t want to point fingers, but Robyn LeMasters ate them.