Money Doesn't Grow On Trees, Nick LeMasters

After my previous blog entry about fake sheriffs, my dad called up his mom to see if she had read my latest LeMasters’ tell all. She had in-fact read the story and was interested to know if he had regaled us with another famous story. I don’t know where I’ve been hiding, but I haven’t heard this one. However, I know it’s been told because my mom looked at me as he was telling it and mouthed, “He tells this all the time.”

As the story goes, Nick LeMasters was always on the hunt for money growing up. Grandma Joan used to say: “Nicky’s always got a few bucks in his pocket.” He valued money. He valued money from a young age. And so the following story was found about five-year-old Nick LeMasters in The Vallejo Times Herald.

IT’S RICH (August 6, 1963 - The Vallejo Times Herald)

CROP FAILURE – For every unsophisticated person there seems to be an opportunist ready to capitalize on his victim’s naiveté.

For instance, there’s the case of five-year-old Napa youngster who recently lost his first tooth. The next morning when he woke up, he found three shiny dimes the “good fairies” had deposited under his pillow during the night.

But instead of investing his newfound wealth in something substantial like popsicles or bubblegum, the youngster insisted on planting the coins in his backyard and raise “money trees.”

A few days later when he went to check his newly planted “crop,” the boy discovered to his dismay that his three silver seeds stamped with “E Pluribus Unum” had disappeared.

No direct accusations have been made, but the crestfallen youngster who had dreams of becoming wealthy by raising “money trees” recalls that a playmate – not quite as visionary as his friend – was with him when he “planted” his ten-cent piece “seeds.”

The Times said “no direct accusations have been made,” but upon deep reflection, we have a few new accusations. I asked Nick to reflect on that day so long ago. That day that should have been full of joy but was full of disappointment. This is how our conversation unfolded:

Me: Who was this kid with you?
Dad: My friend Don DeSoto.
Me: Well he’s a dirty rotten thief.
Dad: So it would seem. The article got it wrong, by the way, I planted the money under the Hawthorne tree in the Hancock’s front yard.
Me: Ooh. See that’s important information. That means more people were aware of the situation. Why did you go back to dig up that 30 cents?
Dad: Well, I had told my mom and dad what I had done and they told me that’s not how money works. Money doesn’t actually grow on trees.
Me: Ooh. See that implicates them. Personally I think the notorious Marty LeMasters went out there and dug that 30 cents up and put it toward his weekly serving of Alfredo's pizza.
Dad: Good point! Perhaps grandma Joan coerced Tommy into digging it up and then sent him down to buy a pack of Pall Mall Reds.
Me: OH! The possibilities. If only your little five-year-old mind had been as suspicious as mine.

Anyway. The point of this sad little tale is that Nick LeMasters was ripped off. If you know the whereabouts of his 30 cents, please contact us ASAP. Oh…with inflation…I’d say it’s about 5 bucks.