Fat Jeans

I am in the need/search for jeans. If you are a woman, you can sympathize with me about how terrible it is to shop for this particular clothing item. It is my Hell. I kid you not, I have gone in The Buckle and tried on 15 pairs of jeans and left with 0 pairs of jeans. The salespeople there now avoid me.

Every time I replace a pair of jeans, I find myself thinking of my 6th grade self. I wont lie to you; I was a fatty. I’m sure all of you went through a chubby stage as well. And if you didn’t, I hate you. I’m just kidding…sort of.

I can still recall when I realized there was “an issue.” I was in Old Navy with my mom and she had an armful of jeans for me to try on. So, we ventured back into the dressing rooms and I started trying on the jeans. I of course had reasons for why they wouldn’t fit, “these are skinny jeans,” “I’m sure these just run small,” and my favorite “It’s Old Navy! Their sizes are weird.” I can still see my mom trying to button a pair for me. Her hands went completely limp because she was laughing so hard. Word to the wise; don’t laugh when someone is trying on jeans. But, honestly, who wouldn't have laughed? It was like buttoning jeans on a seal. I of course ripped the jeans off and threw them across the dressing room and began to laugh and cry at the same time. Needless to say, I left Old Navy that day with no jeans. If only they had made Spanx back in the day for chubby 6th graders! I’m pretty sure that’s when the word “exercise” was introduced into my vocabulary.

That experience scared me for life and I’m pretty sure the reason I detest jean shopping and “fat jeans.” If you’re ever in a dressing room and hear a girl a few doors down giggling, it’s probably me reliving the horror that was “Biggest Loser…Old Navy Style.”