Damn Keens

Today I told a fellow teacher that I quote enjoy her shoes. She giggled at my word choice. Who wouldn’t, though? And then told me that she “did not enjoy how the shoes made her feet feel.” But honestly, I have yet to find a pair of shoes that don’t kill a teacher’s foot. My feet are one big blister since I embarked on this journey called “teaching.” This conversation of course reminded me of a legendary dad story!

I have had the pleasure of going on many trips with my parents, but my adventure with them in Zion National Park takes the cake. I can still recall how excited all of us were to head to such a beautiful spot and like any good travelers would do, my mom and I set out to make purchases for the trip. The first thing on our list was new hiking shoes (I know, very wise to purchase new shoes before a hiking trip).

We walked into the outdoor wonder that is REI and headed straight for the shoe department. The salesman saw us coming from a mile away and sold us both on Keens. “Every serious hiker has a pair.” With salesmanship like this, how could we not buy a pair? So, I walked out of the store rockin’ some awesome lime-green Keens and my mom with a more tasteful and reserved pair of grey.

Upon arriving home, my mom and I couldn’t wait to show off our purchase and talk all about the amazingness that are Keens. So, after our brilliant presentation, my dad decided that he too needed a pair of these “life changing” hiking shoes. We headed to Utah, not long after the purchase.

The first day in Zion was amazing. A whole day of hiking in our Keens while surrounded by natural beauty, what more could we ask for? That night we all crashed from exhaustion. What I wasn’t aware of? The private Hell my dad was going through.

Before leaving for the Grand Canyon, I look over to find my dad placing BandAids on each individual toe (that’s right, all ten piggies). I of course inquired as to why he was doing this and his response was one I will never forget: “These damn Keens are horrible. My foot is an open sore.” What you need to know about my dad is that he doesn’t curse, so when “damn” comes out of his mouth, he’s VERY annoyed. I of course fell over laughing (very sympathetic).

Of course he didn’t pack any other shoes. Why would he? Keens are amazing! They are what “ever serious hiker” wears. So, for three more days he wore the damn Keens, as we so lovingly refer to them and of course hasn’t worn them since.

Those shoes still sit on the shoe shelf today, with 6 inches of dust. They are a reminder to him that he will never take our hiking suggestions again. They are a reminder to me of a trip full of great one-liners.

The lesson we can take from this story? REI salesmen are only concerned with selling expensive shoes and just because someone “enjoys” the way shoes look, doesn’t mean they’re comfortable.