Mind Your Business

I enjoy shopping. I really do. Grocery stores. Malls. Target. Bookstores. There are times, however, when I avoid stores because I’m embarrassed to purchase something. Recently, it was going to buy all three copies in “The Hunger Games” series, a purchase I reserved for Amazon.com. I just couldn’t bring myself to walk into Barnes & Noble to buy three young adult novels. I save my Barnes & Noble purchases for biographies or classics, like “Catch 22.” I like to appear as though I have a very large brain.

I don’t know why I do this. It’s as if I fear someone saying, “Really? Hunger Games? How old are you, 13?” But, I don’t feel like this fear is unfounded. Especially after the three encounters I have recently had.

It is fall and I think we all know what that means! Honeycrisp Apples. They are amazing and I look forward to them every year. This is what the clerk had to say to me when checking out:
Clerk: Wow. Honeycrisp Apples. These are an absolute rip-off. You know, we have organic apples that are half the price.
Me: Um, no. I want those.
Clerk: Well, you’re paying too much for these.
What I should have said: Excuse me? I want these apples, not some gross, mealy apples that don’t taste good. Mind your business and ring me up.

This encounter was quickly followed by:
Bagger: Wow. This is a lot of “Sour Punch Straws.” What are you using them for? Are they all for you?
Me: Um, no. They’re for my students.
What I should have said: Excuse me? Why are you asking me about my candy purchases? What are you trying to say? What if they were all for me? Mind your business and bag my straws!

This encounter came the following week at Target when I was purchasing snacks for our weekly youth soccer games:
Clerk: Wow. Somebody has the munchies this morning.
Me: Oh, that’s funny. No. I’m going to my niece’s soccer game today and she placed her snack order last night, so I’m just picking it up. *Awkward Laugh*
Clerk: Oh, okay, then.
What I should have said: Excuse me? What if this was all for me? Maybe I’m going home to stuff my face in this box of Cheese Itz, fruit snacks, and Hershey bars. Mind your business and ring me up!

The point of the story? No commentary about my purchases, please.