Dentist Woes

I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that going to the dentist is like going to the gym. You typically leave in pain, but at least feel like you’ve done some good for your body. Today, I just left in pain and if I’m being honest, with a bad taste in my mouth as opposed to minty freshness.

First, my doctor walks in and tells me that we need to put bonds on a few of my teeth because they are shaped like boxes and they should be shaped likes eggs. I said no, a response he didn’t take kindly to. I should have responded: Excuse me? Shaped like boxes? My parents have put thousands of dollars into box shaped choppers and maybe I like them.

This encounter was immediately followed by the dental hygienist coming in and questioning me about life. This is something I never understand. Yeah, shove a mirror and a pick in my mouth and then start asking me questions. Ridiculous. I, however, humor her. I tell her about work and school and student teaching and give a little update about the family. Not complaining, just chatting. I then take to opportunity to ask her about some plaque issues and this how she responds, “it sounds like you’re running yourself ragged and I’m sure the plaque is a direct result of that.” I quickly respond, “Oh, I thought maybe I was breathing through my mouth.” I should have responded: Wait, what? Excuse me? Seriously? Running myself ragged? HOW DARE YOU.

This was quickly followed by her telling me that my sealant had worn off on one of my teeth and followed by “I’m sure it’s not anything you did, so I’ll fix it at no charge.” I didn’t reply, but should have said: “WOW! Thanks, for fixing something you probably didn't do correctly in the first place. I mean, really!”

I then left the office with this lovely exchange fresh in my mind.

Me: I need a new whitening kit.

Nurse: Why? Your teeth are white. You can’t make your teeth whiter than your eyes. If you do people will know you whiten your teeth.

Me: Okay, I still need the kit.

What I should have said: Give me the damn whitening kit and I don’t care if people know that I whiten my box shaped teeth. I mean really!

So, next time you see me, please ignore my box shaped, overly white teeth.