TJ Maxx. It's A Love, Hate Relationship

I am all about giving money to charity. I’m a sucker for anything that will help animals. Every time I see those Sarah McLachlan commercials for abused animals…forget about it…I want to empty out my bank account. Or those polar bears stranded on ice? Please!

Due to my inability to turn a blind eye, it will come as no surprise to any one that I find myself supporting the World Wildlife Foundation (WWF). Mostly due to those sad tiger commercials, not because Leonardo DiCaprio is their spokesperson. It just breaks my heart to see those baby tigers running around, not knowing that there are less than 3,200 of them left. Oh, the sadness!

In an attempt to support the tigers I went to Urban Outfitters, where I purchased a WWF panda shirt for $36.00. What do I care? I’m saving a tiger’s life. I of course assume that at least $1.00 of that will go to WWF. And so, I have been rocking out my small, mens, panda t-shirt for weeks.

Imagine my shock and dismay when I got this call from my mom:

Mom: Hey! I got a panda shirt, too.

Me: What? You don’t wear t-shirts?

Mom: Well mine is cuter than yours, it’s a woman’s. I got it a TJ Maxx.

Me: Oh! Wait. Oh. No. You’re about to tell me how much you spent…

Mom: 12 DOLLARS!

Me: I’m going to be sick.

Mom: I know! So anyway, what is this shirt? What does the panda mean?

Me: Oh! This is your Twilight shirt all over again. Why do you buy these things when you don’t know about them?

Mom: Because, Dayna, like the Twilight shirt, I liked the color and I like pandas.

Me: Well, you probably saved the life of a panda today.

Mom: I probably saved two. I got you one, also. Wow, both for less than what you paid.

This is what I get for trying to be generous. I get ripped off. The really awful thing is that the same amount of money probably went to WWF from both purchases. To make matters worse, the 12 dollar ones are definitely much cuter.

TJ Maxx…how is it that I can love and hate you at the same time?

The Childhood Memory of Nick LeMasters

Oh, Nick LeMasters, how your childhood stories slay me. I fell over laughing last night when he started to relive some childhood memories. He recalls these stories with such detail and I love it.

It would seem that Nick LeMasters was destined to become an “Errand Man,” because back in the good old sixties, he was an “Errand Boy.” The following conversation left me absolutely delighted last night.

Dad: You know what I was doing in the 60’s, Dayna? I was mixing drinks for my mom and dad.

Me: SHUT UP! No you weren’t.

Dad: Seriously. I could make a high ball, an old fashion, and martinis by the time I was 12. My dad would say, “Nicky mix me a drink.”

Me: Ohmygosh. This is wonderful! So you were sitting around making old fashions for your parents. So what you’re telling me is you know how to mix a dirty martini.

Dad: I know how to mix any kind of martini. I would make whatever they asked for.

Me: WOW! So were you smoking a cigarette while you did this?

Dad: No. I once found one of my mom’s Pall Mall Reds still burning in an ashtray and took a puff. One puff told me I’d never do that again.

Me: Stop it! This just killing me. What is happening?

Dad: Yeah. I used to buy her those Pall Mall Reds out of a vendi machine. “Nicky, go down and pick me up a pack of cigarettes.”

Me: Stop it. You're making that up.

Dad: False. I would ride my bike (no helmet) down to the gas station and grab a pack out of the machine.

Me: Oh! I can just see you with your white t-shirt (sleeves rolled up), black jeans, and All Stars. What a rebel!

So there you have it. Nick LeMasters…Errand Boy to Errand Man. His secret power…The man whose only drink of choice is Diet Pepsi can apparently mix a very strong martini. Oh, the sixties! What a dangerous and magical time in history.

Disney: Scarring Kids Since 1923

As a young aunt, I feel the need to show my niece and nephews as much fun as possible. That is until the responsibilities of having my own family comes along and I can’t afford it…but right now it’s all the fun, none of the mess. A part of that fun is introducing them to movies.

By movies I mean Disney…not “Children of the Corn” as my coo coo ca choo grandmother thought to be appropriate when my brother was five. THAT’S RIGHT! FIVE! (Note: Not LeMasters’ blood).

Well, the other night we headed over to my brother’s house to watch the kiddos. When we arrived, I was greeted by my nephew who pointed at me and said, “Marrying you!” Apparently this is because I take him to see all the cool, new movies that come out. At least that’s what he told my brother.

I thought it would be a fun night for us all to watch “Bolt.” Who doesn’t love a superhero dog? So I went to Target and picked it up. My niece told me that they had just watched “Bambi” and loved, loved, loved it. I thought…Wow! This will be a nice break from forest fires and dead deer moms.

Boy was I wrong! She hated it. It left her so upset. This of course led her to say to Nana, “Why does Auntie take us to see all these scary movies? In “Cars” they tried to blow up Mater! Why would they do that? Now this movie the dog almost dies!”

I can’t blame her. I mean when I was her age I was banned from watching “The Little Mermaid.” But, really, that crazy octopus lady…who wouldn’t be terrified of that? She was horrible! My mom had to call Disneyland before we went there to see if she was apart of the parades…I have sneaky suspicion that this phone call was faked.

I left feeling like my niece and nephew would be forever scared by these movies. That is until my brother wrote to tell me that my nephew was pouring salt on their dog in order to transform him into a superhero dog.

So…mission accomplished. It is my goal in life to know a superhero dog.

Cheyenne, Wyoming: Fine Dining

I love bull riding. I love bucking broncos I love steer roping. I love horses. I adore cowboys. What do you get when you combine all these things together? Cheyenne Frontier Days. For the past 10 years I have forced my family to make the 2-hour trek up to Cheyenne and indulge my weird fascination with the cowboy way of life.

It should be noted that when I say, “I love,” I course mean I love watching. Could you imagine me trying to ride a bull for eight seconds? I’d be in the air in one second, with a hoof in my gut in two seconds, and a horn in the buttocks in three.

I don’t know what it is. It’s like I’ve been transported into a Garth Brooks song. I love when gentlemen tip their cowboy hats and say, “Miss.” I love the cowboy boots that make an appearance even though it’s 100 degrees. I love that George Strait is blaring from Ford trucks everywhere. But most of all, I love watching men get thrown off horses one after another. It’s some quality time.

As we were driving up to Cheyenne, I couldn’t help but think of the eventful drive my family took up there when we moved to Denver 16 years ago. When my mom discovered that we were two hours away from Cheyenne, Wyoming there was no stopping the inevitable car drive. My dad is always up for a drive, and so the five of us set out…on a Sunday morning.

It’s probably well known to every person on the planet that Cheyenne shuts down on Sundays. Nothing is open. It’s a throwback to 1950’s America. So, we found the one restaurant in town that was open…Taco Bell. I remember for years I would say, “Yes, I’ve been to Cheyenne. Drove up there for some Taco Bell.”

It would seem that my family is destined to eat fast food every time we go to Cheyenne. When the rodeo had ended and I exited Garth Brook’s song “Rodeo,” we set off. On our way out we passed the line of people waiting to enter for the night’s concert. That’s where this gem was heard, “Put the knife away. If I see the knife again I will confiscate it.” Only in Cheyenne…

After driving up and down streets looking for food, to no avail, we headed for the highway. That is until we saw the golden arches. Yes, that’s correct, we ate a McDonalds. Classy. Classy. Classy.

But in all honesty…nothin’ says America like a day at the rodeo and a dinner at McDonalds, before heading off to Denver in a Ford.

Top LeMasters' Quotes..This Week

1. Old Navy is the IKEA of clothes. - Nick LeMasters

2. How do I find "Oprah Behind the Scenes?" - Nick LeMasters

3. The only problem with "Walk the Line" was Joaquin Phoenix's singing. - Nick LeMasters

4. You know what would be fun? If we signed you up for a singles website for Mormons. -Robyn LeMasters

5. You know what would not be fun? Signing me up for any type of singles website. -Dayna LeMasters

Fasting Grogginess

It should be stated that my family likes food. By food, I of course mean junk food. It is standard that if you come to the house, the counter will be filled with junk (Cheetos, Mike & Ikes, Pretzels, ect.). If you accompany us to the zoo, movies, church, there is some sort of snack bag. If you come on road trips with us there is a standard gas station stop before beginning the journey (Cheetos, Smart Popcorn, Cheetos, Chex Mix, Cheetos)…or if you’re my mom…Fruit Loops.

If we don’t keep that blood sugar high, one of two things happens. If you’re like some people in my family (dad), you get cranky. By cranky, I of course mean nasty. If you’re like me, you get a little loopy.

Today I needed to fast. So, I decided that it would be a FANTASTIC idea to go to the grocery store this morning. Smart, Dayna, really smart. I felt a little drowsy before setting out…but I proceeded.

First stop: Target, my favorite store in the world. After stocking up on goodies for Friday night’s movie fest with the niece and nephews, I was off to the grocery store. I should have known things were going down hill when I nearly ran a red and started seeing pink elephants in the streets (kidding…about the red).

Anyway. I got to the grocery store with my list. I thought it was going well, except for the fact that pushing the cart felt like I was trying to move a mountain. I got everything on the list. I had accomplished the goal.

That was until my dad arrived home and started looking through the fridge and cupboards.

Dad: Dayna. What is this caffeine free, Pepsi?

Me: No. Caffeine free, DIET, Pepsi.

Dad: Um. No. This says Pepsi, not diet. The can is gold, not white. I’m not drinking this! This has 150 calories per can.

Me: Oops. I could have sworn that said diet.

Dad: Dayna. What are these pineapple chunks?

Me: No. Pineapple Tidbits.

Dad: Um. No. Chunks.

Me: I don’t know what is happening! I didn’t buy anything I thought I bought. I honestly don’t really remember the shopping trip.

Dad: Dayna! People usually buy a bunch of junk when they go to the store hungry. You just bought a bunch of the wrong stuff.

Me: YOU KNOW WHAT?!? You’re gonna eat it and you’re gonna like it. At least it’s not somebody’s leftover turkey from their plate. It’s food…you’re welcome, sir.

The leftover turkey on the plate is another fantastic Nick LeMasters' childhood story. I'll save that for later...let you imagination run wild!

Antisocial Tendencies

Last night I was provided with reason 3,764 for why I need to get married. This reason came to me in the form of Family Home Evening…Singles Ward Style.

For those of you who are not familiar The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon), let me give you a little background about Family Home Evening (FHE). According to the church website, “FHE is a special time set aside each week that brings family members together and strengthens their love for each other, helps them draw closer to Heavenly Father, and encourages them to live righteously.”

For young, single Mormons it is a little different. It’s a place to gather, have a spiritual thought, and socialize. But…if you’re anything like me…it’s fodder for my blog. Last night was some quality blog material!

I arrived to FHE as I do every Monday. If I miss one I feel like I will have missed my prince charming sitting next to me…hasn’t happened yet...but that is besides the point. It started like any other Monday, hymn/prayer/announcements. Then the lesson started.

“You are a different generation from previous ones. You are the technology generation. You don’t know how to communicate. You’re always online or texting. Tonight we are going to learn how to communicate.”

Now, here, I take offense. I know plenty of people who are older, who are always online or texting.

This is when the question, “What parts of your face to you need to communicate?” Eyes, mouth, nose. Yes…a face was drawn on the board. “That’s right! If you don’t smile or look at people, people wont talk to you.”

Now, here, I disagree. I personally am an advocate of the nose. If you smell strange, I’m so done talking to you.

This is the point of the lesson when volunteers were called upon to practice the art of conversation in front of everyone. We had to determine whether the conversation was healthy or not. It was SO awkward. People started screaming out ““Narcissistic” or “Uninterested.”

I wanted to scream out, “PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!”

It became apparent that people truly didn’t know how to talk. I was counting down the seconds before I could leave! When would it be over?

So, after the fourth conversation it was 8pm. That is when a gentleman stood up and said, “That was great. Now we’re going to practice. Everyone form two lines. You will chat with the person across from you for two minutes.”

Yep…Speed Communicating.

At this point I got out of dodge. I figured I could enjoy some quality communication education by watching the show “The O’Neals.” I figure Ryan and Tatum O’Neal are the perfect people to watch on how not to communicate.

Oh…did I mention that my degree is in communications? Oh…did I mention that prince charming was not sitting next to me? Oh…did I mention that I have a sneaky suspicion that people have labeled us as anti-social young adults?

I should also mention that if you see me and I’m not looking at you, I’m frowning, or talking only about myself…I TOTALLY DON’T WANT TO TALK! Anyway. Looking forward to getting married so I can plan my own FHE. I will totally dominate.