Worry Wart

Last night I went to see “The Avengers.” So good. As I was leaving with my friend the following conversation took place:

Jordan: I just love Iron Man. He’s so good looking.

Me: No. I would say Captain America is the better option.

Jordan: You’re kidding me right? No.

Me: Yes! Captain America in his little 1940’s clothes and haircut.

Jordan: There we go. Yep. Yeah. I totally see that and you.

Me: I’ll tell you what. The better option would be Captain America with Iron Man snarkiness.

Anyway. Not the point of this blog. It just gave me an excuse to post this picture…

You’re welcome.

Anyway. The point of this blog is to discuss my irrational fears. As I drove down the highway last night, someone threw a cigarette out the window. The cigarette embers flew and I drove over them. I know this is ridiculous, but I always brace myself for my car to blow up or my tire to melt or something just as dramatic to happen. Clearly, this is ridiculous, but I found myself thinking about my top five irrational fears.

5. Finding a reptile in my bed…typically a snake. There is no possibility of this happening. However, some nights, I pull those covers back and brace myself.

4. Being trapped in an elevator with someone who smells bad. Being trapped in an elevator is scary enough, but just imagine if the person with you had halitosis. OH! The horror.

3. My car blowing up from someone’s cigarette embers. See above.

2. My teeth falling out. The number of dreams I’ve had where my teeth have fallen out. Doesn’t matter that I know I have healthy teeth, I’m paranoid for the rest of the day. I find myself checking them periodically.

1. Contracting a disease from a toilet seat. Yes, I put toilet paper down or seat covers. Doesn’t matter. I always leave a public restroom thinking, “Today is the day I contracted a skin eating fungus."

Don’t judge. I know you’re going through your list as we speak.