Last night we took the kids to see “The Lorax.” It’s that new Dr. Seuss film that is full of lessons for kids to learn: Don’t cut down trees…love nature and animals…and most importantly, don’t feed Marshmallows to strange little bear-like creatures.
As I watched the film I couldn’t help but wonder, “Hmm. What is Nick LeMasters thinking, while he munches his popcorn, sips his soda, and watches this movie?”
You should know that my dad is a staunch Republican. How can he not be? He has the perfect Republican hair. He LOVES Ronald Reagan and Abraham Lincoln. Oh. And it should be stated that he enters “The No Spin Zone” regularly.
Registering as a Republican when he was eighteen-years-old went against Phelan family tradition. You see Nick LeMasters was named for his grandfather Nicholas James Phelan, a big time Democrat. The day Nick came home and outed himself to his mother was a sad day in the LeMasters’ household. The story goes, Joan LeMasters said, “Oh! Nicky! If Grandpa Nick knew you were a Republican, he’d turn over in his grave.”
When the film ended last night, Nick LeMasters picked up his grandson and left the theater. They were deep in conversation and it wasn’t until we dropped the kids off that I learned what that conversation entailed.
Me: Did you enjoy the Dr. Seuss propaganda?
Dad: That movie was so full of PC garbage.
Me: You loved it and so did Zach!
Dad: On the way out I said to Zach, “You know Zach, sometimes you need to cut down trees?”
Me: Stop it! You did not say that.
Dad: I did say that. I didn’t want him walking around with that PC message in his little mind. Anyway, he already knew. He told me, “Of course you do, Gramps. We need fire wood.” Kid after my own heart.
Me: That is horrible. You know that fire creates air pollution, right? That’s why you can’t burn on some days.
Dad: You smell that, Dayna? It’s called bullshit and Dr. Seuss was full of it.
Me: You just rhymed.
Dad: Well, what can I say? The Lorax may be a hit, but Dr. Seuss was full of shit.
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