I would be remiss if I did not record my day for public
record. Today I was robbed. That’s right. R.O.B.B.E.D.
This is my last week of work before I leave for the summer.
As I drove along to work I thought to myself, “Dayna, you need to celebrate
this. Treat yourself to a bagel.” And so I did. I stopped off at the Einstein
Bagels I frequent on occasion. I grabbed my wallet, locked my door, and headed
inside for that delicious bagel with strawberry shmear. What could go wrong
today…apparently a heck of a lot.
As I walked back to my car I couldn’t help but feel like
Dorothy as she landed in Oz. WHAT THE HELL IS GONG ON? The first thought going
through my mind was, “Huh. I know my window didn’t look like that a few minutes
ago.” That’s when I realized my computer bag was gone, along with my cell phone
and window. Sigh. It took me a full minute to jump to action.
I went back inside Einstein’s (a place I will forever avoid)
and told them I needed to call the police. She gave me the phone and I just
starred. How do I work this? Who do I call? That’s when the tears started. I
then counted my lucky stars that I had FOUR phone numbers memorized. FOUR! How
sad is that? This was the moment when the girl offered me a free drink and some
random guy told me he hoped I had a better day. I immediately hated both of
them. Upon reflection I should feel grateful for some kindness in the middle of
my horror, but alas I was not.
When the paddy wagon arrived the officers words of wisdom to
me were, “I’d start buying my bagels in Centennial. This is a terrible area.”
Really? Thanks. I don’t work down the street or anything! He then took a
report, cleared the glass, and gave me directions to the nearest vacuum. I was
still in tears.
It was at this point that my brother Ryan arrived. Thank
heavens. It wasn’t without a bit of a talk about, “I told you to use Find My
iPhone.” With my response, in tears, “I DON’T SUPPORT BIG BROTHER OPERATIONS!”
I do now, of course.
It was during this moment in time that I got ahold of my mom
and dad. One Robyn LeMasters stated, “I hate people. I want to stab him in the
eyebrow.” Always the pragmatic problem solver. One Nick LeMasters stated, “This
is terrible. What needs to happen? I’ll call your work.” Always the man of
action.
I drove in to work in order to tell them I was out for the
day. Of course this was while I wore large, blacked out glasses. Why you ask?
Well, the bandit took off with my make-up bag. I had mascara running down my
face and chunky, purple eye shadow on my lids. It didn’t help my self-esteem
that my glasses kept fogging up while I talked to my boss. The movies don’t
prepare you for this scenario at all. At this point in any good romantic comedy
I would look fabulous while some guy gallantly found my purse. Not so…
As I drove my car away from work, it was this moment when I
realized they had stolen Scout’s basket. It’s one thing to steal my computer
and phone, but my dog’s driving basket? ARE YOU INSANE? When I informed my dad
about this he replied, “Those bastards.” It should be noted that he was more
upset about Scout’s loss than mine, too. And so with this discovery I drove to
Apple, still in tears.
I needed a new phone! How would I fix this terrible
situation without a phone? As I went in to Apple I was so upset thinking of the
200 bucks I was going to have to drop for a new phone. Imagine my reaction when
the gentleman informed me that I was still under contract and would need to pay
$650. And so in tears I left Apple with no phone. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I would
rather be cut off from all technology than drop 650 big ones on a new phone.
Thank the good lord for Nick LeMasters, who willed and dealed with his AT&T
store for me.
It was at this time that I went home to get Scout and drove
to the only location in Colorado with a landline…Nick and Robyn LeMasters. I
took care of the few things I could involving the theft and car. Then I went to
sleep. The entire time Scout felt the need to check on me and bring me toys.
When I woke up I was covered in a pile of pig toys. I feel like it was similar
to waking up to the horse head in The Godfather.
It was around 3pm that I got the call! Jake, who raises
chickens, had found my computer and cell phone. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I jumped in
my broken car and headed to his house. That’s right folks, I got my computer
and cell phone back. What am I missing? Tissue, make-up, gum, a pair of
panties…and Scout’s basket. She’s still pissed about that. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This person broke into my car for a pair of undies.
Of course when I called my dad to tell him what I discovered
his first question was, “Were they A or B teams?” They were A teams, in case
you were wondering.
And so I sit here tonight typing on my computer, forever
turned off of bagel and shmear, down a pair of undies, and trying to help Scout
cope with her loss.
However, I will end with what my brother Ryan said, “Now
that’s some clean living right there.”
Signed,
Dayna LeMasters
Keeping Denver in Undies since 2014
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